Mary Had A little Lamb
Hello! I am a Bastard! I am Mia too.. its hard to explain! theres no time! After years of silence, I have finally came out of hiding (The queen died) and now I am ready to share all of my long awaited secrets.. I dont know if the world is ready to hear what I have to say, but the truth has to come out. Every time ive been burned at the stake, I come back with even more velocity than before so dont even try it.
Yay hello... it is December 19 :P I dont really know how to code so whatever its fine. One time I was fishing and I got a fish but I was so scared because I was all by myself and the fish was so sharp and I had to unhook it from its gummy little mouth so I did that and then I was like that was so scary so Im just not gonna put any food on the hook and im just gonna pretend im fishing so i threw it back in and some stupid idiot moron fish got himself hooked anyways so I let him go and then I felt like a terrorist so I just threw them the rest of the corn and hotdog pieces. 9/11 was pretty bad but think of all of the 9/11's fish go thru and nobody cares? Anyone who calls themselves an "old soul" should be put to death immediately.
Hi errbody its ur friend..Me, its been like 2 or 3 hours since I last wrote here. I wish I new how to put a little turtle friend right here but i dont know how to rly write code so lets just imagine. Lets hold hands and close our eyes and imagine a little turtle friend riiiiight here. How sweet is he
Its december 20th of 2023 What up basturds and basterdettes its meeee.. Mia ;P. Do the canadians play soccer? I feel like ive never seen their soccer team. My head hurts ow ow ow ow ow. Ow!! My head hurts SO bad. Everybody calls drake gay and stuff but hes literally just canadian. Poor guy. Hes so misunderstood. I just wanna give him a hug and tell him everything is gonna be ok, and I bet if he knew that my dad died he would do the same to me, because thats the kind of canadian person he is: gay and kind.
its december 21st 2023 I gotta pee rly bad and I miss my dad a lot today. Its weird that its been this many days from october 3rd. I just feel horrible all the time. Im jealous and im pissed. Im jelly everybody elses dad is alive, and im pissed bcs ppl r lame and their lame dads r still alive. Maybe I will try to talk to the ghost in my room. She told me god was real so thats cool but Idk I dont rly get what all the hoots n hollering for. Either way I feel the same. I hope my life will get better soon, Id like to be happy and have some more friends bc my classes suck so hard and some of these kids omg I feel like im contracting a disease whenever they talk to me. Everyday its like this fucking joke I cant even believe it. A lot of people say things like this pit make a person stronger, but I honestly don't feel it, I feel like ive been spiritually lobotomized and left here to die. Im not even mourning over some basic ass dad guy like my dad was cool as fuck he got barred from law. He was never mean or yelled at me and he was such a sucker I convinced him I was sick to get out of school for 21 days straight until cps showed up. He was funny and nice and better than everybody else’s dad so what the fuck. He was so great that he could only be healthy for so long. Sometimes I will be talking to someone and I think what kind of words my dad would say if he was in my position, most of the time I cant even imagine his words because the people are like from a whole different reality. About a month ago my math teacher (fat and ugly and unfunny) called on me for this question and I was just super sad bc my dad literally died 2 weeks before and I didnt wanna talk but he didnt leave me alone and he was getting all up in my bixniss like "DID U EVEN WRITE ANY OF THIS DOWN" And ok look hes literally just chimping bc I dog on him like all the time and he cant take a joke like a grown man should so he dont like me that much. But anyways I started crying and he wouldnt give it up im not kidding for like 5 straight minutes he was giving me the third degree over a fucking math problem I just sat there and cried and everybody was looking at me but idrgaf too much ab them bc theyre lames but I remember looking at this eyes like seriously what the fuck is wrong with u why r u doing this and he literally started smiling and right then i figured out that this guy was creep and demented and he deserves to be taken care of soviet style that motherfucker. I sat there for the rest of the class sniffling and crying while everyone watched. Fuck all of them I hope when their father dies they get life exactly how I did, I hope they feel every struggle and every hit just like me, But they aren’t special so they never will. So I just went home and wrote out a few rage pages calling him gay and retarded and then I prayed real hard that he would kill himself. “Dear heavenly father please please please please please lend him the will to pull the trigger tonight,” *JOKING THIS TOTALLY FICTIONAL AND NOT TARGETED AT ALL AND NOT REAL* Omg I rly hope nobody is seeing this bc this could get me in trouble bcs apparently america is dead bc what happened to my free speech but whatever. Hi Olivia I know Olivia is seeing this maybe. And maybe my kids and my grandchildren Hay yall :D!! Anyways all Im saying is that I deserve a fucking break and whoever intervenes is getting plotted on and im praying on ur downfall so watch out idk. Im just really sad and exhausted with no end in sight so if its not too much trouble for u, cry for me today.,, La Bastarde out! Omg i cant wait for christmas.. I rly hope ill get some tooth gemz!! Yay
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MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS ITS CHRISTMAS TODAY DID WE HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS???????? U KNOW I LOVE U RIGHT? i lOVE u Yes i do. I got the tooth gems but it was missing the glue and the light but something is always missing so im not too bummed. im watching eyes wide shut omg nicole kidman is so skinny and pretty im rly happy for her. I like her glasses. trying not to think about bad thingz. red and orange and green and pink r such beautiful colors but blue is the very most beautiful of them all. I heard that blue wasnt recogninzed as a color until not too long ago which makes sense because i wont tell u why i dont want u to know. Something is always missing,, Millions of years of evolution and still my tummy hurts so bad. I would probably be an abusive husband if ihad the option because so many times i just wanna smack someone around and calll them a dorkwad. Skippy is very dear to me i hope he will be nicer to me once his balls get killed. i want pretty earrings. I watched this movie from the 30s the other day its called :it happened one night" this movie was so good and killed my hear bc I had no idea men could do that yk. Why dont men do like that anymore i dont get it. I want to be cared for and i want to be so dear to a man that he would wipe the rain off my face with a hankerchif or whatever and as weird as it sounds the man handling was kinda lit like Yeeaaaa. Men dont rly act like that anymmore like men seem very girly and less lit and manly now. Most if not all the men I know are kinda like girl men,, even the chill ones just dont rly act like respectable men. They need harship. . omg tom cruise is getting bullies and getting called a BLEEP omg lol this is sad but kinda funny too lol. Men need to step up like I am rly ready to step down and be taken care of and loved and Idk I wanna be the girl in the relationship. its time for me to send the rage page to that one guy who was acitng like a girl and I will tell him that bc I know hes super insecure ab his masculinity so ill say something ab him being gay too. Ive been holding off on sending this rage page bc hes actually such a loser that i couod put so much into a rage page i thought it should take some real time to craft dis shit but now im thinkin like fuck it who is this kid even. Oh the cnrismas yis yis yis de christmas Yes it is the biss(best)
Hey yawl its january 8th. Yayyayayayay. Ive been sick :C meigghh.. Its the last week of the semester and I am so excited to get this over with. I have a theory that This semester was punishment for some terrorist attack I mightve pulled in a past life. So I have hope!! I hope things go better this next semester. Its like the nightmare has finally come to an end. My nose is so stuffed theres like a billion slimey muscuses in my nose rn its insane. I have to remember that i need to meditate on good things so good things come to me.
Damn I hate unfunny bitches so much like what do yal want from me?? Its January 10th and Im feeling very free.
Hello my people! Hello to the masses! Its february 27. Long time no see. Ive only went to the gym once this month I feel like I played myself, but I also feel like i havent played myself bcs they overcharge me. I got into college so yay. Nothing rly new besides that. I feel sick today and nobody cares. I cant wait for the warm weather again. I want to start writing here again because nobody sees this and i'm running out of storage in my notes app. Fucked up my hair a lil but thats Ok. I won best dressed so everybody can go die. I lost some weight because im a goddamn champion with a lost appetite cus of covid. A few weeks ago I had this mantra I would chant at the beginning of the day. I would say "I am so lucky, My life is beautiful this world is beautiful, im sexy beautiful, I have a million friends, i have a million loves, and I have epic skills and I am a genius and everything works out great for me." And my days actually went great. But then I stopped bcs I forgot and I dont care that much. I think about how everybody whos ever existed, what we all have in common probably is how we think about if the future will think of us. Most of us will be gone though, thats a ok with me. A modest existence is a holy one. We get gone and then we get perfect nothingness. Oh and I did a few other things like I texted the most insane text to my opp and it was so insane and so great and fun. I hope i have fun forever. Meeiiighghhh I feel so sick urgh this sucks urgh. I want to roll around in warm sand soon. I havent seen a baby in a really long time and its freaking me out because where did they go..What are they up to?...... There is this movie called baby genius I watched it a crazy long time ago but there was this elite league of genius babies organized by the government and the lead baby genius is actually pretty jewish looking AND his name is Sy? Right. But anyways so these baby geniuses they all like band together against the government because the government had some crazy ass agenda that messed with the baby genius agenda so there was a lot of beef and fighting that went down. Actually pretty scary stuff I wouldnt reccomend to anybody whos sensitive or has diabetes or other heart conditions. But these babies, eventually they grow out of being babies and they lose their genius. So theres probably something prophetic about that. But what a stupid movie because first off babies are so retarded like they are cute but so retarded they literally shit their pants all the time. And if U gave a baby a copernicus it would put it in its mouth. Babies DGAFFFF!!! Babies arent geniuses, but they have something much more valuable, Stem cells!! And simplicity. We all have much to learn from the babies.
Hi long long tim no see. I been keeping my theoretical audience out of the loop so im very sorry. Its August 11th 11:05. I have so much to say. Im at the age where biologically i am feeling very maternal. My Skippy cat is my son. He is my son. I feel anxious maybe I need to take more iron. I read thru all my blog ab 10 minutes ago. its been ab 6 months. I was very upset. I was saying gay and retarded a lot, my bad. I am better now. I matured 6 months amount. I realized I love people a lot. I love my family my friends my God my shelter the outside and nothing is really mine, but I am happy to be around. My heart is heavy right now, but its cool. My mom hurt her knee. I feel so upset for her. I hear my cat snoring upstairs. Woah i Just had to run upstairs rly quick bc I thought it couldve been someone dying but it was literally just Milo snoring. Maybe we should get that checked. Theres this bowie song in my head, also bomb from vultures 2. I was hating at first bc the albums trash and it felt like I was on a heroic dose of lithium while listening, but Bomb makes up for the whole album. And ykme im the bom bom bom Ahhh!! So good. I cleaned my room without vyvanse yesterday, wanna know the secret? Bomb and strapping on the 5 inch sparkly heels. Should be illegal. But anyways as I was saying, my mom hurt her knee So ive been praying for her. But prayer is all by intention. sometimes I find myself praying to my theoretical audience, and maybe thats what I hope God is. I dont want to be watched, but I do want to be seen. It doesnt matter who it is, people can only understand u 70%. The mystery is good tho for us. We want to know what we dont. Havent been taking my meds at all this summer, dont tell my doctor. Cant tell to much a difference right now. I go to college in 10 days I guess. Very strange, its Like I know it, but I dont. Lots of things change my life, but college especially will change me. Hopefully make me more independant and smarter. Im lowkey in an acting class, which makes me really nervous because I dont usually fw theatre kids especially in high school, and I think I dont take myself very seriously so acting could be hard for me. My first impression was like fuck no, but I think I should give it a chance and lean into it. Maybe bc I'm too lazy to switch classes or maybe I am the next James Gandolfini, only time can tell. I love watching great actors act. Like animals, it cant be calculated. Watching a film or a show many times, u start watching it in a different perspective. U stop watching for the story and U start watching the details. U start seeing the charecters as actors. Sometimes I will watch a show and be like, I couldnt do that, I couldnt act like there wasnt a camera right there. How decieving they are. How brave they are.
Nobody taught me how to pray. Its my biggest concern. I heard that some monks pray for days on end in silence. Maybe the seclusion is what taps them into that God concience. But I never talked to a monk before so I dont know. Hildegard Von Binghem prayed for 7 years straight, is the lack of words and meanings enough to clear the static with God? Oh man I'm in trouble. When I pray I try to pray for others, and then i sneak my own desires in here and there. God says everything will be Ok, in the end is where we let go of our bodies and words and be free to the universe. I like to ask god to help me bare the weight i feel in my heart. I want to believe I have a fighting spirit, but sometimes its like there is no fight left in me. That its maybe good to trust the wind instead of fighting against it. I talk in my prayers a lot, if I stay silent I risk falling asleep before saying amen. Its 11:53 now. I just googled why we say amen at the end of prayers. This one woman writes, "What does amen mean? It is a word well-known but mostly misunderstood. My concern is that saying amen is, for many, so formulaic as to have become meaningless. We are so familiar with the word but do not wrestle with its radical implications." Then she gives an analogy about a wedding, and the significance of the kiss, "But as the kiss does not function to mark the end of the ceremony, neither does amen function to mark the end of our prayers. The word amen occurs at the end, as does the kiss, but this is not what amen means." She says "Amen" is untranslated from Hebrew origins. Amen means agreeing to Gods will with us in our lives. "When we say amen after we have cried out to God that justice be accomplished around the world, we challenge ourselves to take responsibility to fight injustice in our own lives. When we say amen after we have interceded for governments and their leaders, we call upon ourselves to live as good citizens with all the responsibilities as well as privileges that involves. When we say amen after we have asked God to heal and bring wholeness to our sick friends, maybe we ought to visit them and offer to lay on hands and pray for them in person." But its so engrained into me that Amen is necessary to end the prayer. I hope someone prays for me but I dont think so. I pray for my enemies, but my enemies are dumb asf so they prob never prayed for me back. I should try ending a prayer in "Bye!" I think blogging is like praying. Writing to nothing, writing to anything. Amen, bye.
Its 10:59 August 12th. Last night I said to God that I would take my mothers knee pain, and today guess what! I have the knee pain, in the same leg as her, and her knee is starting to feel better! God is here! God is very nonchalant im starting to notice. Also starting to talk to my childhood bsf it makes me feel better, its been a while. Life is wonderful.
Youngest child moment when I feel very isolated by them, when they act to me like I am stupid so I actually start thinking im stupid and shameful. I am not shameful. I am excited to go to college, its almost a week until I move in. I feel sad summer is ending only because I am scared of being away from home and friends, to actually be independent. But then, im excited for the change, I think it will shock me, like a drug. Ow my legs hurt It was busy at work today. It was my last day, tried to keep looking at things sentimental, but I was too tired and over it. Ive been very fatigued for a long time. I tire out easily. I will miss my little south mountain creamery, its been a sweet time. It definetly socialized me a lot. Im excited to have a roommate so I dont have to be alone lol. I like myself better when Im around someone. I hope I will be a good roommate, Ive been kinda messy with my room sometimes. But also messy all over.. But I will try my best! I also think it will make my mom like me more. Its the 13th btw, I like blogging so much its so strange. Because know one really sees this, but its open for anyone to see. I confess here. Amen bye.
Side Note I could be the next Anne Frank so if some fuckshit happens to me they will have this piece of historical context. Side note over.
Hi im back its August 16 its 11:38 and I am very blessed today. Me and my family went to the mall and I got a super special intimissimi v neck white top yay its the best. I also got a pair of socks and 5 underwearz. I also found out I have a class ab china and I freaked out im so excited I feel like my soul is on fire. Also got my hair cut the other day, looks very good and better now and my mama got me really nice hair things and I love my barber sm she is me but 32 and tall and shes like a daughter to me I love her. Anyways she did me sooo right w my hair and then she was like Omg hay lemme give u my little blow out hair brush thing and I was like Yayayaay!!! And so i picked it up the next day and she put all this other good stuff in there too like full $80 bottles of wonderful hair stuff and I just feel so much love. Also had 2 meetings today one with dr verma and i said no more wellbutrin and she was like K yay!! And then my next meeting was w mai boss for my internship and that was great so Yay. But im sad bc my sister sad. Kinda tired but Dont wanna sleep. Dont know what to do. So im here! I love to be here. Good talk ok Bye!
Its 9:41. Im actually here at college now, my neighbors are so loud idk what for. being quiet is really just as fun as being loud. Im so tired now after moving, just wanna stay inside tn. My bed is pretty comfy. I cant believe college actually came. Its a force against my heart, but I am trying not to pout and complain but its hard. These boys r talking so bad. very tired
Hi its 11:04 and sept 3rd the day before my bday! Yay! Im in my mass communications class. Life is actually pretty great. I have a great group of girls and I have a lil bestie and I like my classes so far. I just got home from hanging out at my nieces for 2 days and it was really nice being in a home setting. We went to the pool yesterday, it was the last pool day of the year, it was very perfect. I ate well. I bought a text book. My mom and my sister are picking me up today after my classes to go for a hike and eat chinese food and maybe ill try to finesse getting my nails did. Yay. Last day being 18, feeling no way ab it tbh. I got real hair extensions and they match almost perfectly, me and my friend just need to dye the root part. ive been so busy thats why i havent been doing a lot of writing on here. I love my birthday, september 4th is a perfect day, thats why I was born on it. Ok gonna do my class work now bye! Also my dad met me in a dream the other night. It was nice seeing him, I very much believe ghosts can visit u in ur dreams, they feel realer. I hope he visits more often.
Hi its September its monday Im up. Shaking a little but not too much. I sat next to a kid w tourettes one time and i tried to make him say slurs with my mind but it didnt work. Im too up right now so I thought maybe I could write a little. Never once in my life have I willingly eaten a peanut. I wish peelon musk would die so I could be free on twitter again, its my greatest wish. But not really bc I have so many other wishes that are even greater than that. Anyways im wearing my bunny socks right now, i feel very sweet. I want to go print out some paper dolls but I dont know where to go to find a printer at 12 am. I ate some instant pho today it was very good actually. I also want to be spiderman so I can climb my walls a little and hang upside down. I sorta hate my dorm because the floors are carpeted and the walls r beige, its very hard to work with. Maybe I should watch girls but I did myself the disservice of spoiling shosh and rays ending (They dont get together at the end) so now I dont even know if I can stomach it. I like baltimore. The other day I was at chipotle with my girl besties and they were all out of forks, and then we saw people dry fucking outside the chipotle window, and then this schizo in a wheelchair came in and started barrel racing between the trash cans. He started spewing slurs and talking shit ab us to the soda fountains, so not cool or vibes. So we left. And then I walked a mile in these Louis Vuitton (MaryJane Docs) Ow! But its ok Im a thug in maryjanes its very cool. I might have to print out a paper doll now I love u goodbye.
Hi Theres this very beautiful boy I like. The teacher got mad at us for giggling too hard because we were playing duck life and shes probably never played duck life before so I wont fault her for it, I only feel pity.
Hi didnt do too much today. I got sick for a few days but Today was my last day being sick. My boobs r sick. Hahahahah. Its September 14th today. Not my bday, im heart broken. Ate many a cookie today. Watched a whole season of girls In ab 2 days which I think is pretty impressive considering all of the other impressive things I do. I decided im gonna kiss as many beautiful people i can, Im on a mission. I keep on painting my nails w gel and peeling it off the next day if not the same day. Boys can be so beautiful it pisses me off real bad. Like why r u being a boy and also being so beautiful at the same exact time can u get a life please? Whatever. I accidentally starved my hamster fatima after my dad died, I think she keeps him company wherever he is.
Hi beautiful team! Its the first of october yay. That boy i was talking about who is annoyingly beautiful is so snuggly and silly and I like him so much it makes me want to punch a hole into the wall. I fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine to be in Trader Joes w a boo, it was surreal. Hes just like me fr, if i was 6,3 and blonde and blue eyed and smart and mature. I had to put my hand over his eyes when I kiss him, bc hes my first kiss and im so bad at it. I dont even know if I like kissing that much, Im always scared hes sucking my lip liner off. I just like cuddling him and talking with him. I swear hes a gift from God, like I was rewarded for being the biggest virgin in the world. I never had someone like this, I only ever dreamed of it. So now that its happening it really doesnt feel real. Especially with a boy this perfect. Gotta beat him up. Also tryna start a $40 gofundme for myself so i can get minecraft and a chipotle burrito, but they placed it under review. Maybe bc i said something about the DPRK. Anyways, I win.